“Motherhood, the only place you can experience heaven and hell at the same time.” I had heard this often enough from my mother, but have only just started to realise the meaning of this phrase.
Being a mother is the most difficult job , you basically work round the clock and never get any respite; yet the perks make it absolutely worth all the effort you put into bringing a child into this world. The smile on your child’s face when they look at you is priceless; there can be no better piece of music compared to hearing the word “MOM” ; your baby’s first step, first yawn, first fall, everything has a special place in a mother’s heart and in her memory.
It is not an easy task to hand over your child to someone and assume that they will take care of them just the way you do. A mother understands everything her child communicates even non-verbally. Just like all other mothers, for me my child was the vision of perfection. My baby was too young to be handed over to a set of total strangers for the major part of the day. Yet, it seemed like nobody could understand the dilemmas I faced and answer the innumerable questions that filled my mind. What if my baby could not cope with the pressures of school? What if someone hit my child? What if the teacher scolded or yelled at my child? What would I do if my baby fell while playing in school, would there be anyone who could care for my baby like I do? The questions were never ending and the answers a mystery. Then how could I remain calm while choosing the right playgroup or nursery or school for my child?
Finally after visiting a lot of schools and meeting a lot of principals we finalised on one school. It was the best school in the vicinity, with modern facilities, an excellent teaching faculty and a healthy educational environment. Yet the needle of doubt kept pricking me.
Would this be good enough for my little angel? What if my decision was wrong? How would I know for sure? These questions had become my constant companions and while the days suddenly seemed to catch up speed, it was suddenly time for my baby’s first day at school.
I don’t remember who was more scared that morning about going to school, me or my little one. I could only think of all the worst case scenarios while taking my baby to school, the fear was clearly visible on my face.
In no time, we were at the gates of the school. It was time to take the first step and leave my baby alone with total strangers who knew nothing about my child. I did not know if I could do this. And then as I was saying good-bye to my baby and making promises of being right there at the end of the day, I saw that look of excitement and happiness on my child’s face. This made me realise it was time to let go and not allow my fears to cloud my child’s future.
It was that day that I realized that a child fills up a place in your heart which you never knew was empty. I had taken the first major step into motherhood by leaving a piece of my heart behind at school with the knowledge that it was for my child’s better future which made being the process of becoming a mother totally perfect.