At the dawn of civilization, providing food, shelter, and clothing to your children is considered excellent parenting. But follow the same in the 21st century, you are just giving them the basic necessities of life. And it is far from effective. So what is effective parenting?
Simply, if your child grows up to be a fulfilled individual who appreciates life and has a good career and a happy family, you have been an effective parent. Likewise, if your child ends up dissatisfied with life and career, then it is ineffective.
We can’t wait decades to find out if we have done a proper job. So how do you know if you are on the right path? We have compiled a checklist to help you.
Checklist of effective parenting
Does your child know what you will do if they misbehave or cross the curfew? If your child knows your reaction and the consequences, you are parenting effectively. If a child doesn’t know the unfavorable situation that he would land in if he misbehaves, then the parenting is ineffective. It is worse if a child knows the consequences, but they just don’t care. At this time, you may want to up the stake and toughen the punishment, like no TV or phones for a day or two. This would make them not just to respect your rules but also remember them.
Are you the sort of parent who would rather play a video for a child and keep them busy? Or are you the parent that sits with a child and engages in activities? If you are the latter, you are parenting effectively, and the former, not so much. If your child seems disinterested in having conversations or activities, you should not give up. Instead, learn them, what they like or dislike, which celebrities they follow on social media. Even the YouTube history will give you a general consensus of their interests, and based on that, you can have conversations with them.
If you are the parent who keeps things from where you took them or takes the plates to the washer after dinner, you are parenting effectively. But when you don’t, you are not. Children imitate us more than they listen to us. So setting an example for them automatically makes them behave in an acceptable manner. When you preach discipline, like waking up early or eating healthy or working out, but not follow them on your own, your kids will not listen. Even if they do, they won’t have much respect for you. But when you do these things, they copy your good lifestyle and adapt to it.
Parents who do their jobs effectively don’t punish kids so that they can induce fear in them, but to instill caution. Children must not be petrified of you lashing out or even getting aggressive. Instead, they should know that their misbehavior will lead to unfavorable circumstances that they could have otherwise easily avoided. Punishments should be minor discomforts. Like time off from their video game consoles or tablets. Not extreme. If they are, it would not just lead to them hating you, but also traumatize them.
Help your children with homework. Parenting responsibility does not reduce when your kids leave for school. In fact, it quadruples after they step into adolescence, and eventually, teenage. During this time, if they seem dull or down, talk to them about their problems. Maybe they are struggling with a bully. Maybe they have some issues with a particular subject. When you establish in your child’s mind that you are always there, not just as a mom or dad, but also as a wise friend, you have done parenting effectively. Sure, teenagers open up to their friends more than they ever do with their parents. But they should not completely go mum. If they do, parenting is ineffective.
So how does parenting affect the child’s future?
We got a few pointers for that, too.
When your parenting is marvelous, your child will become a responsible adult. It is difficult to bring up a child with manners and discipline, but not impossible. At first, when you lay down the rules of the house and other dos and don’ts, the child may behave as if they hate you. In fact, they might even believe that they do. But as time progresses, and when they understand what you do is for their good and not to meaninglessly torture them, they will learn to appreciate it. What’s more, they would have you as an example when they become parents themselves.
A happy home creates happy people. Children who grow up in a pleasant environment are far more likely to succeed in everything they do. Patience and kindness become parts of themselves. On the contrary, ineffective parenting would come across as indifference. When your child thinks you do not care enough, they might deliberately get into messy situations to garner attention. Or worse, they might think they are free to do what they want. This sort of wildness is not a proper ground for a child to nurture patience and understanding, from which kindness sprouts.
When your teenager knows about the relationship between cause and effect, thanks to your effective parenting that involves minor punishments for misbehavior, they would most certainly refrain from doing rebellious stuff. Steering clear of troubles at a young age is something that is a miracle on its own, so we wouldn’t advise judging your parenting based on this. But for the most part, the child will be amicable and responsible. As you have already established that you are your son’s/daughter’s wise old friend, they would seek your counsel regarding their future goals and career plans. With your experience, you can guide them towards a fulfilling career and enriched life.
No parent would want only want to do their job ineffectively. It is the amalgamation of busy schedules and putting too much trust in our children. They are little humans. When we give them the freedom to do what they want and let them get away, it will be nigh impossible to curb in the future as they grow old. So keep in mind that family comes first. Paying close attention to your children and trying your level hard to participate in everything they do will help you with effective parenting.