Avoid saying these 6 things that would undermine your child’s confidence
Parenting is not an easy job. It is all about learning to talk to your kid first. They tend to take everything literally. So, the way you talk to them goes a long way in building their personality, you might end up reacting to them. Unfortunately, their mind isn’t developed enough to understand that these were unintentional and as a result, it cripples their little minds. Everyone wants to see their child’s confidence, and has healthy self-esteem. But, if humans are not born with an already existing well-developed self-esteem, what are the things that enhance or deplete it? When does a child start to develop his/her self-esteem? Are there ways in which a parent could alter the child’s self-esteem? These are some of the questions we keep asking ourselves but don’t know the answer to or for that matter what is the correct and most appropriate way of going about it.
But dear parents, do not worry. We are here to back you up.
Things you should stop saying to your child or doing right away
Always comparing them to others
Having to see your child’s confidence is important. They do not like to hear things like, ‘she got an A on her maths test, why do you have a B’, “he is the head boy for this year, why aren’t you”, from their parents and elders. They want to be appreciated and acknowledged for their capabilities and achievements. Never use negative comparisons to motivate them. They might end up feeling inadequate every time they see their peers excel in something better than them. Rather, focus on the positive things your child has achieved and make sure you highlight those as well.
Always underestimating their intelligence
Do not underestimate your child’s confidence, intelligence or abilities by using labels like “stupid”, “loser”, “incompetent” etc. The sad thing is, your words can be life-changing for the child. You might not realize it but you are more influential to them than any other person in their lives will ever be. It’s always important that we keep this at heart when talking to our kids so they know how much they mean to us.
Abstain yourself from saying anything like: “You are so clumsy!” “I’m disappointed in you for not passing your test.” “Quit being such a baby. Be tough and get over it.”, “Stop crying, big boys don’t cry”, “Girls don’t play with cars, take your barbie”. These can suppress your child’s confidence as well as make him or her feel insecure. Keeping up high expectations is healthy, but expecting too much dear parents has its consequences. When kids see expectations as too high, they will stop bothering to try. This will hamper child’s confidence Instead, parents need to give clear expectations for the long-term and set milestones along the way. For instance, going to grad school is a long-term expectation, so help them create short-term goals along the way
Not allowing them to express their emotions
Not allowing them to express their emotions by shutting them off when they try to connect with you. Tell them, and make them understand, that it is okay to feel sad, angry, revengeful, happy etc. This will bring back your child’s confidence. An emotion is not negative or positive, it is just there. They should know how to deal with these no matter how strong the feeling is, they should be able to maintain their composure.
Making them feel you are doing more than what they deserve
Time to time and again and again, if you keep having this attitude towards them and repeating these words, your child’s confidence will start to lose. And he will end up thinking that your love for him is a burden for you. Soon he will also start acting like you even before you could realize what has happened.
Not allowing them to make mistakes
It’s tough to watch your kids fail or get rejected. As this happens, we tend to rush in to save our child before they fall. But stopping them from making mistakes robs them of the opportunity to learn how to bounce back. Whether your child forgets their maths copy before going to the maths tuition or gets a few questions wrong on their math quiz, mistakes are the best and life’s greatest teacher.
How can you help boost your child’s confidence?
Confidence is actually important for a child’s future happiness, health, and success. A confident child is always better equipped to deal with peer pressure, responsibility, frustrations, and the real world. And who is that person behind developing a child’s confidence? Yes, you guessed it right! That’s none other than YOU!
Wondering how? Don’t worry – building a child’s confidence and child’s development doesn’t have to be an intimidating or complicated task. You can make it all the more accessible and more fun!
Give them small tasks
Enough opportunity is required to show a child’s confidence, his skills and feel that his contribution is valued at home. So why not consider his interests and give him a job that lets him feel valuable and successful. At home, you can get him involved in some household chores such as setting the table, vacuuming, dusting, doing the dishes, helping dad to wash the car, sweeping, and so on. At the end of the day, it will help your child learn that sometimes, work comes before play.
Seek for a counsellor to boost their self-confidence if required
Some children are remarkably under confident and might need a proper psychology development session with a professional, like a psychologist for kids. These professionals provide counselling for kids that are struggling with low self-esteem based on their extensive research on child development psychology.
Spend quality time with your baby.
Whether it’s grabbing a bite of choco late pie to eat or taking a walk, try to manage some quality time with your kid at least once a week. This is an excellent opportunity to talk about what’s on their minds, build your child’s confidence and cement the bond the two of you share.
When it comes to parenting, there are many different schools of thought. Some parents believe that they should always do what’s best for their child’s confidence and not worry about the consequences; others think a more hands-off approach is better in order to allow children room for exploration and growth on their own terms. The idea behind this philosophy is simple – if you want your kid to be confident with things then give them opportunities where they can succeed so they know how capable they really are!
There are many studies that show how important it is to boost children’s confidence instead of crushing it. In fact, there was one study done on the effect of praise and criticism in relation to self-esteem, which found that “praise may be an effective way for parents or teachers who do not have much time available between tasks.” This makes sense because a child will more likely feel encouraged if they receive a compliment than when they hear someone else telling them what mistakes they made. However, if you think you need help from any psychologists for kids, The Orchids International School is the best place to land.
A child’s confidence shapes a child’s life tremendously, and it’s one of the most important gifts you can give to your child. Aren’t you sure where to start? Pick a few strategies right from this list to try implementing this week.
Once you’ve mastered those, try a few more!!
So why wait! Start it from today! Start it now!